i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
