One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
