and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
