Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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