marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
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In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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