i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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