weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i will never coherently bang her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
