Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
