I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
