this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
