explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
