am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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