I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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