walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
