I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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