Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
