Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
