i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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