I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
