Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
