I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
