i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
