Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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