Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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