then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
