I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
jump out the window naked night went bad
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