I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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