Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I enjoy the company of your penis
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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