Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
