Where are you?
In a non slutty way
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
