mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Text me some of your sweat
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
