I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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