Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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