she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
