No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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