I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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