I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
