I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
