im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
