so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
