Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
