Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
