Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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