i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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