I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
