What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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