It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
