Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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