Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
