Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
