I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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