You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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