I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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