you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
