matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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