I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
