if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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