so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
