I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
