Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
