Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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