lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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