All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
