What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
