Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
