Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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