In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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