I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
