they need to just BURY HIM!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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