Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's blow job season.
You can't just leave with hair like that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
