Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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