Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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