these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
