forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
