so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
