You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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