theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
