The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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