Please, let me fuck your mom
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
